


We Didn't Start the Fire

by blackgipsie



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Adoption, Multi, Slice of Life, mentions of child abadonment, mentions of self abuse and suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 15:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1609871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackgipsie/pseuds/blackgipsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Axel never knew one person could spark a fire and bring so much love into his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of a series I've been working on for writing practice using music as an inspiration. Although these three go together, they are each based on a different song and because they were written completely separate from each other, they all have a different style and feel.  
> This first one was inspired by We Didn't Start The Fire by Billy Joel and started as just a funny little oneshot that somehow turned into a deep story that has become very important to me. I hope you enjoy as well.

Roxas had never been an outgoing kind of guy. He was pretty quiet when he met new people, getting the feel for the new person before he chose to speak his mind in front of them. He hung back in group situations, letting other people take the lead, only adding in his remarks when he deemed necessary. Axel had always been the voice for him for the most part. He would throw out a sarcastic remark here and there, but let Axel run the conversation. It had been that way for as long as Roxas could remember; ever since they were little and Axel chased away Roxas’ bullies.

Because Roxas wasn’t outgoing, very few people even knew he had a singing voice. Some of his closer friends had guessed, but never got to hear it. Singing was something he only did when he was alone and no one could hear him. That is, until he moved in with Axel after their second year of dating. Axel walked into their apartment after a long day of work to Roxas dancing around their little kitchen, singing into the sauce-covered wooden spoon he was using to cook their dinner. When he spun around and spotted Axel, who was rooted to the spot in surprise, his words dropped off and he froze. They simply stared at each other for a while before Axel broke into that wide, crooked smile that Roxas loved and informed Roxas of how good he sounded.

After that day, Axel would come home to Roxas’ voice singing anything from the top hit on the radio, to oldies their parents always listened to more and more often. It started out as once or twice a week, with his singing stopping after the end of the song Axel walked in on. It started to become more often, and his singing would last beyond that one song. Before long Roxas would start singing when Axel was already there. He found that Roxas liked to sing most when he was doing menial tasks around the house. He would shake his hips and sing into the kitchen utensils as he made their meals, or dance around in circles with the broom while he cleaned the house. But his favorite place to sing seemed to be the shower, his voice echoing off walls. Axel had even bought him a shower speaker that hooked up his ipod so he could sing to his favorite songs without getting anything wet.

But today was not an ordinary day. They had been together for years, gotten a little house not far from the elementary school they met at and were now hoping to add to their family. Today was the day the social worker was coming over to get to know them and see their home to decide if they would make good parents for some little boy or girl. Axel had meet with the woman on his way home from work, leading her to their little home. As they walked up the little path to their home, the two chatted lightly. She complimented their choice in neighborhood and their cute house. Axel thanked her as he pulled his keys out to open the door. Roxas knew who was coming today. He had taken the day off of work – despite working from home he still had to check in with his boss often throughout the day – so he could clean up the house and make dinner for them all. Because of this Axel was not expecting when he opened their front door to hear-

“BRITISH POLITICIAN SEX! JFK blown away! What else do I have to saaaayyy?!”

Roxas belting out the words to _We Didn’t Start the Fire_. And of course it had to be that part of the song that they walked in on. Axel froze, hoping that the social worker hadn’t heard Roxas singing for all to hear. He slowly turned to look at her, taking in the surprised look on the woman’s face. They started at each other for a moment, the sound of Roxas singing still in the background, before a smile broke out on the woman’s face and she laughed. Axel relaxed a little and couldn’t help but chuckle himself. Axel straightened up and nervously scratched the back of his head. He could hear the shower running, now that Roxas’ voice had quieted some.

“I should uh… go make sure he has clothes.” Axel laughed nervously. “He must have lost track of time.” Axel waved her inside and instructed her to take a seat in their living room while he checked on Roxas. He quickly made his way over to the bathroom in the hall off the living room, opening the door without hesitation and slipping inside. Roxas was standing by the shower/bath, rubbing a towel over his head to dry off his hair some, and Axel was relieved to see a stack of fresh clothes on the counter beside the sink.

“Axel!” Roxas nearly squeaked when he saw his boyfriend standing by the door while he stood stark naked and dripping on the bathroom floor. “What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be meeting with that social worker to show her over here.”

“Do you know what time it is?” Axel asked calmly, trying not to freak out. “The social worker is already here, we got here just as you were belting out ‘British politician sex’ into the shower head.”

Roxas jaw dropped. “You have to be kidding me.” He whispered quickly. “Oh god…” He quickly finished drying himself off, rushing to pull his clothes on. “What are you doing standing there?! Get back in there and make us look awesome!”

Axel shook himself out of the stupor he was in and quickly slipped back out of the room. When he got back to the living room, he found the social worker flipping through the portfolio of Roxas’ work that they had planned to show her when they explained his job. She looked up from it as Axel entered the room, a smile still on her face. “Roxas should be out in a few minutes. Why don’t I give you a quick tour while he gets ready?”

“That sounds lovely.” Axel lead her around the home, showing her the bedroom, the room they planned to turn into their future son or daughters room, the study that Roxas did his work in, the back yard with the little garden Marluxia had insisted they have, and finally the kitchen and dinning room where Roxas was finishing up dinner, now fully dressed, although his hair was still dripping a little and not styled to his usual perfection.

Roxas greeted the woman kindly before waving them over to the table and bringing the meal over for them to eat. After chatting about their jobs and how much time they will be able to spend with a child to take care of them, Roxas finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. “I’m really sorry about losing track of time and not being ready when you got here. I’m not usually like that.” Roxas looked down at his half eaten food nervously before he heard her laugh lightly.

“I actually quite enjoyed it. You have a great voice, and honestly, as nice as it is to see you and your home at your best, I like getting a glimpse of what a real day is like for you. What you will be like when no one is here to observe you like I am right now.” She gave them both a soft smile.

“It’s just really embarrassing for me. I think Axel is the only person I have willingly sung around.” Roxas ground out, looking back at his plate.

“Well I am glad I had the privilege of hearing it. Even muffled by the wall and the shower.” She laughed. “But,” She started, looking between the two men. “It let me know that the little girl or boy you adopt will have beautiful songs sung to it at night.”

“You mean-?” Axel said, quickly gripping Roxas’ hand as he looked at the woman.

“Yes. I am approving you for adoption.” Her smile widened as Roxas basically threw himself at Axel, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

“Oh my god, Axe.” Roxas breathed into Axel shoulder.

“Thank you… so much.” Axel said, unable to put his gratitude into better words as he wrapped his arm around Roxas.

She laughed and shook her head a bit. “No, thank you. We need more people like you to adopt children that can’t be taken care of by their own parents for one reason or another.” Roxas couldn’t help it, he detached himself from Axel and gave the social worker a hug as well before finally settling himself back in his seat. He was still shifting back and forth in his seat, too excited by this news to sit still. “Also, I understand that you already found a little girl you were interested in adopting? Xion?”

“Yes. She was one of the first we saw when we started looking into it and we just sort of… kept going back to her.” Axel explained.

“Well then, how about I start this process and set up a meeting for you two to see her?”

“That would be amazing.” Roxas told her, practically bouncing in his seat from excitement.

“That settles it then. Tomorrow I will start filling out the paper work and set up a meeting for you. Before you know, you will have a little two year old daughter named Xion.” Axel and Roxas looked at each other with the same excitement and happiness over this new, huge step in their lives together. And oh, how they looked forward to it.


	2. Lullaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a few continuity errors I know, but keep in mind the first was originally written as a stand alone and I needed to change a few things in order for it to work the way I wanted it to.  
> This chapter was inspired by the song Lullaby by The Spill Canvas.

She was perfect.

At least, that’s what Axel and Roxas thought. Almost exactly a month after they were approved for adoption, they got to meet Xion in person. She was a tiny little thing, with huge blue eyes and short raven black hair. Axel took to her like a duck to water, but it was a little harder for Roxas.

When they entered the room she was staying in, the girl’s social worker behind them, she was instantly interested in Axel. And who wouldn’t be with the way he towered over most people and the long bright red hair? Leaving her toys behind she shyly walked over to where Axel stood and looked up, and up, and up at him. She glanced over to her social worker as if confirming these new people were safe and good people, before holding her arms up without a word, asking to be picked up. Axel chuckled softly before leaving down to effortlessly pick her up. She grabbed on to one of the chunks of red hair that fell over Axel’s shoulder, softly running her tiny fingers through it.

“You’re really tall, mister.” She finally said, her voice small and a little squeaky.

Axel faked a pout. “Maybe you’re just really short.”

“I am short; I’m only two!” She laughed.

“Well maybe when you get to be my age you will be as tall as I am, you never know.” Axel told her.

“You must be really old then.”

Axel made an indignant sound and gave her an insulted look. “I am _not_ old. I’m only 28.”

For the first time she looked over to Roxas, “If he’s 28 and that tall, then you must be like twelve!”

Axel laughed while Roxas silently pouted. “Hey now, Roxas is only two years younger than me.” He explained before adding in a stage whisper like Roxas wouldn’t be able to hear it, “He didn’t drink his milk and eat his veggies when he was still growing and now look at him.” They all laughed for a moment, Xion’s a bright and cheery sound, before silence came back and invited Xion to question more.

“Are you here to be my new daddy?” She asked innocently.

Axel smiled softly. “I would very much like that. Roxas too.”

She looked between the two of them confused for a moment. “But how can you _both_ be my dad? Who would be my mom?”

“Well,” Axel started, a small sad smile on his face, “If you come with us you won’t have a mom.” He explained. “But you _will_ have two dad’s that care about you just as much as any mom could.”

“But isn’t it supposed to be a mommy and daddy that love each other?” Xion looked very confused by all of this, but Axel seemed to know just what to say.

“Love comes in many forms, Xion. Roxas and I love each other like a mommy and daddy would. The only difference is we would both be dads. Love can be between any two people, no matter if they are a girl and a boy, or two boys, or two girls. Love is love.” He smiled down at the little girl who seemed to be trying to figure all of this out for herself.

“Do you love me?” She asked, her voice almost too quiet to hear, a pink blush on her face giving away her nerves.

Axel smiled warmly. “Love takes a while to form. It has to be taken care of so it can grow, just like a kid like you.” He lightly poked her side making her giggle a little. “But I can already tell that it won’t be hard to love you. Roxas and I will both love you very much.”

“How long are we talkin’ here?” She giggled.

“Oh I don’t know. It could be _years._ ” Axel exaggerated making the little girl laugh again.

Roxas watched the entire exchange with an almost sad smile on his face. He always knew Axel would make a great father; he always knew just what to say and really loved kids. Roxas wished he was like Axel in that way. Roxas had always been awkward and uncomfortable around children, never knowing what to say or do, but Axel wanted kids and Roxas was willing to do anything for him. He would just have to hope that things worked out.

 

Many play dates with the little black haired girl, another house inspection to make sure it was child ready, and enough paper work to make the blondes head spin later and they were driving home, their now official daughter in the child’s seat in the back of the car, laughing as she listened to her new dad’s fake bicker in funny voices.

They had had a lot of fun already in their time together. They went to the park several times, saw a movie, and even got to go to the beach one warm day. That day was Roxas’s favorite of their days together as a family. He had made a lot of bad jokes that day, and he knew they were bad, but Xion laughed at them anyways, right alongside Axel. Roxas knew Xion’s laughter was probably from pity, about as much as a two year old could, but it was okay. He still made her laugh. She had also found a perfectly intact thalassa shell. It faded from a soft yellow into blue and she seemed to love it very much. Roxas knew there was a shop not far from where they were that turned shells like that into jewelry and so they had gone and had it turned into a necklace for her to keep. She wore it every day after that.

When they finally pulled into their driveway, Xion was bouncing in her seat, excited to see her new home. They quickly showed her around the house, ending the tour at her room. She let out a happy squeal when she saw it, the walls painted to resemble a sunset as was her request. The two men had agonized over what color to paint her room. Pink? No, that’s pushing gender standards on her. Blue? That’s pushing _opposite_ gender standards on her. Yellow? That’s supposed to make little children cry more often! They can’t do that to her! Finally, frustrated they asked Xion what _she_ wanted her room to look like. Shyly she had responded that it really didn’t matter; she had never been given the opportunity to pick something like that for herself and wasn’t completely comfortable, but after some other questions and probing they finally got it out of her that she liked the colors of the sunset. So they went out and got some reds, and yellows, and oranges, and a little bit of purple and blue, and turned her room into a sunset.

While Axel helped her settle into her new room, Roxas left for the kitchen to whip up some dinner for the three of them. Roxas had also spent some time probing for food she liked to eat so he knew what kinds of things she would definitely eat. Of course, he would make other things and try to get her to try something different, but it was good to know what she already liked as something to fall back on if she really didn’t like something.

Halfway through their simple spaghetti dinner the phone rang and Axel politely excused himself to go answer it. When he was gone for several minutes, Roxas stood up to find out what was going on, lightly reminding Xion to behave and that he would be back in a moment. She was a very well behaved child, so he knew she would be okay long enough for him to find out what was taking Axel so long on the phone.

When he entered the hall that had the house phone he heard Axel grumbling a goodbye into the phone before hanging up. He noticed Roxas watching him and sighed. “They need me to come into work for a couple hours tonight. Emergency. I probably won’t be back till around 10.”

“10? But… Xion has to go to bed before that?!” Roxas panicked a little. Although he was more comfortable around Xion now, he still wasn’t confident in being able to put her to bed all by himself the very first night!

Axel stepped over to the blond, lightly gripping his shoulder to help him calm down. “It’ll be fine. She’s a great kid. You won’t have any problem.” Axel assured him.

“But what if she doesn’t want to go to bed when she’s supposed to?! What am I supposed to do about that?!”

Axel rubbed slow circles over Roxas’s skin. “I doubt she will, but you could always sing her a lullaby. She’ll love it.” He smiled.

“I-I guess I could do that.” Roxas said, calming down a little.

            “You’ll be fine. If you sing to her, I’m sure she’ll go right to sleep. You have a very soothing voice you know.” Roxas just nodded numbly before they both went back into the kitchen. Just as Roxas knew, Xion was still eating quietly in her seat, taking small bites and chewing as if she savored each one. Maybe she did, but Roxas wasn’t sure if a child her age could really appreciate food in that way or not.

“Xi,” Axel caught her attention as he took his seat again. “I have to go into work after dinner for the night. They said it was an emergency, so it will just be you and Roxas for the rest of the night. Okay?”

Xion just gave him this look like she didn’t understand why he was worried. “Okay.” She simply replied.

Quickly finishing up his dinner, Axel pecked Xion on the forehead, lightly ruffling her soft hair, and quickly kissed Roxas goodbye before he was off for work. After dinner, Xion requested Roxas read to her. Roxas was hopeful that listening to him read to her would get her sleepy enough that she would fall right asleep, but no suck luck. An hour later her bedtime was here and she was still rather awake. She simply nodded when he told her it was time for bed and followed him to her room, letting him help change her into night clothes and tuck her into bed.

“Dad,” She had begun referring to both Roxas and Axel as dad after about their third meeting. She would often slip into calling Axel daddy, but never once had she called Roxas that. He was a little jealous that Axel so easily got the affectionate title, but knew it was bound to happen. Axel was so much better with kids than he was. “I’m not sleepy yet.” Her voice was small, sorry.

“Well, how about I sing you a song?” Roxas asked because really, what could it hurt to try it?

“You sing?”

“Only for special people,” Roxas smiled.

Xion returned the smile happily. “Okay!”

For a moment, Roxas was at a loss of what to sing, until a tune came to him. One that his mother had sung to him when he was little. But he could never remember the words, so he decided he would just wing it and make it special for Xion.

            _It’s the way that you blush when you’re nervous._

_It’s your ability to make me earn this_

_I know that you’re tired_

_Just let me sing you to sleep_

_It’s about how you laugh out of pity_

_Cause let’s be honest, I’m not really that funny_

_I know that you’re shy_

_Just let me sing you to sleep_

_If you need anything_

_Just say the word, I mean anything_

_Rest assured, if you start to doze_

_Then I’ll tuck you in_

_Plant my lips where you necklace is closed._

Xion had rolled over on her side, her big blue eyes drifting closed. Roxas lightly kissed the back of her neck, where the thalassa shell necklace clasp rested against the baby soft skin and pulled the blankets securely over her before slipping out of the room.

When Axel made it back home several hours later, quietly shutting the door knowing Xion would be asleep by now, he found Roxas sitting on the couch not quite watching the television. On the coffee table in front of him sat one of his notebooks, open to a new page with the lines of the lullaby he sang to Xion scribbled down. Quickly reading over the words, Axel looked up at Roxas somewhat surprised, Roxas biting his lip at the look.

“You wrote her a song?”

“It just sort of came to me when I was trying to help her sleep.” Roxas confessed. “I didn’t want to forget the words I used in case I need it again. She fell asleep pretty easily to it.”

Axel smiled, lightly kissing Roxas’s forehead as he had Xion’s hours before. “I told you.”

 

Years passed smoothly and Xion had already celebrated her 10th birthday. In that time, she and Roxas had spent a lot more time with just the two of them and came to have their own understanding and friendship to go along with the parent-child relationship. But it was still not like what Axel had with her. She went to him first for all of her problems. She told him her triumphs first. She called him daddy almost every day, but not once called Roxas it. Roxas tried very hard not to be bothered by it, and after a while had grown used to it. He could live with always being dad, while Axel was daddy. It was okay.

But then the day came that it was Roxas’s turn.

Not long after her 10th birthday, Xion wanted to know who her birth parents were. Not because she wasn’t happy with having Axel and Roxas as parents; far from it. She was just at the point in her life where she was curious about where she came from genetically. They were able to easily find her mother, who had chosen to leave her name and contact info with the orphanage should Xion every want to meet her. And so they set up a day for them to spend together. Roxas and Axel thought it could be something good. The only female figure’s Xion had in her life were Roxas and Axel’s sisters Naminé and Kairi, but they had their own families to attend to and could only spend a few hours a month with her. They thought maybe now she could be friends with her mother and have another female figure to look up to.

But they were wrong.

Xion’s mother was not the female figure they were hoping for. She was a greedy woman, jumping from man to man looking for the one that could throw the most money her way in exchange for some fun nights together. She admitted that Xion’s father was just some man that had bought her her first car in exchange for a few nights together and that the only reason she hadn’t gotten rid of Xion when she first found out she was pregnant was because he had offered her more expensive things if she didn’t. By the time things went downhill for the two of them – meaning he had run out of money to satisfy her greed – her pregnancy was too far along to abort and she simply gave her newborn up at the first chance. She only left her info at the orphanage because she was hoping whoever adopted her daughter might have some cash they would be willing to throw her way for giving them a daughter.

Xion was devastated.

And this was one time when Axel just didn’t understand. His parents were good people. They still had dinner with the older couple once a month and spent all of the holidays with them. They adored their adopted granddaughter.

But Roxas did understand. He and Naminé had been abandoned by their mother when they were eight because she used all her money on drugs and had none left over to feed the two growing children. Their father was a faceless man who had been willing to pay for an hour or two with their mother. She had even tried to sell them at some point, but Roxas, in a fit to protect his sister, had kicked the man, who was looking to pay for them, in the groin, punched him in the throat, and got in a pretty good bite on his wrist when the man reached for his precious sister.

He understood what it felt like to be used and left behind because he wasn’t deemed good enough. It was something he had struggled with for years before he met Axel. Axel had saved his life, literally. A week after they meet, Roxas was planning to commit suicide. He had put it off for years in order to look after Naminé, but she had proved that she could take care of herself when she slapped one of their classmates that got too handsy. Roxas didn’t think he was needed anymore. Naminé could handle herself. So what did he have to live for anymore? Axel had shown him just how much Roxas was worth. The redhead had found him behind the school with the knife he had stolen and talked him out of it, reminding the blond how upset Naminé would be if something happened to him, and how upset _he_ would be. After that, Axel made it a point to show Roxas how important he was and how useful he was to the world.

Xion didn’t need to be shown those things, she was already reminded of them everyday. And the antidepressants she was put on helped get her away from the thoughts that Roxas himself had once thought. She just needed someone that understood to hold her while she cried.

And that was where Roxas came in.

He had been holding her, sitting on her bed, her tears soaking into his sweater. He rubbed soothing circles in her back, and spoke soft, comforting words to her, rocking side to side ever so slowly. She seemed to cry for hours and it broke his heart. That was when he remembered the song he had written for her all those years ago. He hadn’t had to sing it to her since the first night, but he still remembered the tune and the words because he read it to himself almost every night.

            _It’s the way that you blush when you’re nervous_

_It’s your ability to make me earn this_

_I know that you’re tired_

_Just let me sing you to sleep_

_It’s about how you laugh out of pity_

_Cause let’s be hinest, I’m not really that funny_

_I know that you’re shy_

_Just let me sing you to sleep_

_If you need anything_

_Just say the word, I mean anything_

_Rest assured, if you start to doze_

_Then I’ll tuck you in_

_Plant my lips where your necklace is closed_

Her crying had slowed and sobs had calmed down. If not for the way she gripped him tighter, he would have thought she fell asleep, but he continued on singing, knowing exactly what needed to come next.

            _It’s those pills that you don’t need to take_

_Medicating perfection, now that’s a mistake_

_I know that you’re spent_

_Just let me sing you to sleep_

_If you need anything_

_Just say the word, I mean anything_

_Rest assured, if you start to doze_

_Then I’ll tuck you in_

_Plant my lips where you necklace is closed_

            Brushing the longer, black hairs off the back of her neck, he softly placed his lips over the clasp of the thalassa necklace she still wore everyday. Her grip tightened a little again.

“That was the song you sang to me my first night here.” She whispered. Roxas was shocked that she remembered, as he had never mentioned it again and hadn’t sung it to her after that night. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and he almost missed what she said next, but was _so_ happy he didn’t. “Thank you, daddy.”

 

From then on, whenever Xion had a rough day, she would go to Roxas, who would hold her, and rub her back and sing her song. And every time she would hug him tightly and thank him, but she hadn’t called him daddy since. But that was okay. To Roxas, that just meant that when she _did_ call him that again, it would be all the more special.

Her teenage years seemed to come before Roxas was ready. She had her first boyfriend, whom Axel had freaked out over and, Roxas was pretty sure, had at some point threatened with a lighter should he ever hurt his “little girl”. She did well in school, and had a good number of friends, and small handful of best friends. When she was sixteen, her therapist decided she no longer needed antidepressants, but told her to get in contact with him should she ever feel she needs them again.

It all seemed to pass too fast and before they knew it, she was packing for college. Axel had cried the first night they watched her fill out an application to a college, not that he would let Roxas let _anyone_ know that. They stood together to cheer loudly at her graduation, and celebrated with family at the open house. But it didn’t really hit Roxas until the night before she was leaving for college, to move into the dorms.

Apparently it hadn’t hit her either.

Roxas was sitting in his room, on the edge of he and Axel’s bed. Axel was in the shower at the time, so Roxas was alone to sit and stare at the photograph that sat on his bedside table. It was of their first day at the beach, when Xion had gotten her necklace that she still wore tucked under her shirt every day. He hadn’t realized he was softly crying until thin fingers were whipping away the tears. Looking up he met with watery blue eyes, tears sitting in the corners of them. With nothing but a sad smile for warning, her arms were around him and she was holding him tightly, crying into his shoulder like she had done too many times before. But this time he cried too.

They sat that way for neither of them knew how long. In the background, the shower had turned off and Axel had appeared in the doorway, a towel wrapped around his dripping hair, but knowing they needed some time to themselves, he turned around and left without their notice. Finally Roxas’s tears slowed and he began to sing her song, finally finding the words to finish the song.

            _It’s the way that you blush when you’re nervous_

_It’s your ability to make me earn this_

_I know that you’re tired_

_Just let me sing you to sleep_

His voice shook at first, but he continued anyways, letting it level out as he went. He knew Xion didn’t care how he sounded anyways.

            _It’s about how you laugh out of pity_

_Cause let’s be honest, I’m not really that funny_

_I know that you’re why_

_Just let me sing you to sleep_

_If you need anything_

_Just say the word, I mean anything_

_Rest assured, if you start to doze_

_Then I’ll tuck you in_

_Plant my lips where you necklace is closed_

_It’s those pills that you don’t need to take_

_Medicating perfection, now that’s a mistake_

_I know that you’re spent_

_Just let me sing you to sleep_

_It’s your finger, and how I’m wrapped around it_

_It’s your grace, and how it keeps me grounded_

_I know that you’re weak_

_Just let me sing you to sleep_

_If you need anything_

_Just say the word, I mean anything_

_Rest assured, if you start to doze_

_Then I’ll tuck you in_

_Plant my lups where you necklace is closed_

_While you were sleeping, I figured out everything_

_I was constructed for you and you were molded for me_

_Now I feel your name, courin’ through my veins_

_You shine so bright, it’s insane, you put the sun to shame_

_If you need anything_

_Just say the word, I mean anything_

_Rest assured, if you start to doze_

_Then I’ll tuck you in_

_Plant my lips where your necklace is_

_If you need anything_

_Just say the word, I mean anything_

_Rest assured, if you start to doze_

_Then I’ll tuck you in_

_Plant my lips where your necklace is closed_

Once again her grip on him tightened and she whispered the words he hadn’t realized he was waiting his whole life to hear.

“I love you, daddy.”


	3. Dear Roxas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that last chapter, which is probably my personal favorite of the three. This one was inspired by Dear Bobbie by Yellowcard.

Axel could still remember when he first met Roxas. He could remember seeing those blond spikes from across the gym floor. He could remember the dress shirt and slacks the boy had on that were just a little big for him, a small tear on the side of the shirt and the bottom of the pant legs showing wear. He remembered watching him dance with his sister, a smile almost reaching his eyes as he watched her truly enjoy herself for once. Axel remembered walking over to Roxas after the song had ended and Naminé had been skirted away with some of her friends. He remembered nervously tugging his pants down a little because he was in that awkward stage of life where he would shoot up several inches every few weeks and so his only pair of dress pants were too short now. He remembered asking Roxas to dance and the confusion that came to the blond’s face. He remembered the feel of the too thin frame against his lanky one as they danced in the corner, out of everyone’s view.

That was the freshman dance in high school.

Axel remembered what he would long consider the hardest day of his life. Even harder than watching his daughter graduate from high school, from college, and even walking her down the aisle, one arm in his, the other in Roxas’s. It was the day he found Roxas in one of the far corners of the school, where few people ever went, bent over one of the bathroom sinks with a razor in his hand, blood dripping down his forearm. He remembered pure panic as the blond he had meet the week before, the blond he had danced with to the soft music at the dance, who had already started to steal away his heart, collapsed into a growing red puddle. He remembered picking the too-light boy up and quickly wrapping his arm up in his sweater to try and stop the blood. He remembered sprinting to his home, being as careful as possible not to jostle him too much, and quickly explaining to his mother, a nurse, what had happened. He remembered tracking down a panicking Naminé and explaining what had happened and that Roxas would be staying at his home for a while so his mother could take care of him. He remembered hearing from Roxas as he woke up that he had nowhere to go, that he and Naminé were homeless. He remembered his mother opening their guest bedroom to them until Roxas was better and they could find a suitable place for them to live.

Axel remembered what he could later refer to as “The Fall”. The months after the hardest day in his life in which he fell and fell hard. For Roxas. He remembered talking to Roxas every day, assuring him without words that he was wanted, that someone cared, that he had worth. He remembered waking up in the night and finding Roxas curled up on the couch, shaking from nightmares; holding him for hours until he would fall back asleep. He remembered hearing the blond’s story and his explanation for why he attempted to kill himself. He remembered the way blue eyes brightened at the sight of a similarly blue frozen treat. He remembered seeing the first, full and honest smile reach across his face and take it over, transforming it into something Axel would never forget, and would spend every waking moment trying to see again and again.

Axel remembered the day Roxas asked him out. Axel wasn’t exactly subtle about how he felt, but he never pushed himself on Roxas. He was simply happy being around him and making him happy. So when Roxas, a year and half later, asked if he wanted to go get some dinner and maybe see a movie? With those big blue eyes looking away nervously, slightly crooked teeth trapping his bottom lip between them. Axel couldn’t remember what they ate for dinner that night, or what movie they went to see or if it was even a decent movie, but he did remember a warm hand in his, happy laughter, shy smiles, content sights, soft hair on his shoulder, and the soft brush of lips.

Axel remembered the last two years of high school. He remembered walking through the halls, a grin on his lips and the best boyfriend in the world on his arm. He remembered evenings spent sitting on the floor of a bedroom, homework half finished and forgotten on the floor around him, soft words, muffled giggles, and warm lips. He remembered Friday nights with their friends, playing games, from Smash Bros. to Honey I Love You, pounding music, and a small blond in his lap, short fingers playing with his own. He remembered his first job, with some ridiculous outfit and key phrases he had to say, but he remembered the money was worth it because he bought his own car and could take Roxas anywhere. He remembered their first time; he remember smashing his head against the wall accidentally, knees knocking and elbows digging into ribs like they shouldn’t, pained whimpers and lots of whispered apologies, but most of all he remembered the satisfying feeling of having Roxas curled up against him, drifting off, their clothes decorating his floor.

Axel remembered every stupid fight they had. He remembered the sound of his heart breaking every time Roxas walked away from him. He remembered the taste of the cookie dough ice cream that Larxene brought him every time. He remembered awkward apologies and shuffling feet. He remembered talking over each other because they both needed to talk and say how sorry they were and the awkward silence that filled the room when they realized they weren’t the only one at fault, that they both had things to work on. He remembered the feeling of realizing that there would be plenty of problems that would come up in their life that would test them and their relationship, but it would be worth it because Roxas was the best thing that could have ever happened to him, and he was the same for Roxas. He remembered when they opened the door to their first apartment. He remembered walking in on Roxas dancing around their tiny kitchen, a wooden spoon in his hands, and song lyrics on his lips.

Axel remembered late night cram sessions, more cups of coffee than he could ever count, two explosions in the chemistry lab, one twenty page long research paper, and tanned hands that pulled him away when it became too much. He remembered throwing his cap along side countless class mates and having no intention of getting it back. He remember sitting down at his desk at his new job for the first time. He remembered slinging a laughing Roxas over his shoulder and walking through the doorway into their very own home.

Axel remembered walking through those doors again, a woman from the adoption agency steps behind him, and hearing his love nearly scream “British politician sex” into their showerhead. He remembered an awkward dinner and thin arms around his neck, some of the best words he had ever heard ringing in his ears. He remembered big blue eyes, so much like Roxas’s, and short black hair, innocent questions and falling again like he had in high school, but this time it was with Roxas at his side and a little girl in his arms.

Axel remembered getting married, even if it wasn’t legal by any means, it was symbolic and that was all that mattered. He remembered blue and green crystals, candles everywhere, and Xion looking perfect in her flower girl dress. He remembered the tears in the corner of his sister’s eyes as she hugged him close and told him she was proud of him. He remembered the threat he got from tiny little Naminé. He remembered losing sight over everything else as he and Roxas walked towards one another, barely hearing the voices around them. He remembered doing it all over again five years later, when gay marriage became legal. He remembered making sure everyone invited knew it was not a marriage, but a vow renewal, because they were already married, this was just legal shit and proving to the world they were and always would be in love. He remembered Xion again in a flower girl dress, taller now, older, and beautiful.

Axel remembered listening to the voice of an angel sing to his daughter as she cried, knowing that this time he couldn’t do anything. He had saved the angel and now it was time for the angel to save their little girl. He remembered pulling a blowtorch on the first boy Xion brought home. He remembered watching her stand in their doorway for pictures the night of prom, clad in a sparkling dark blue and black dress, her date’s arm around her shoulder, looking at her like Axel knew he had once looked at Roxas. He remembered the tears that fell the night Xion filled out the application to her first choice for college. He remembered draping a towel across his shoulders and walking away to leave his two loves to cry before one moved away the next morning. He remembered running his hands through blond hairs like he had thousands of times and taking in the new lines on that perfect face.

Axel remembered watching his daughter marry the man she loved as much as he loved Roxas. He remembered coming home to a quiet home, finding his love in the second bedroom, sitting in the chair he had once rocked their little girl to sleep in as he sang her song. He remembered the distant blue eyes that stared at the sunset painted walls. He remembered the forgotten paint cans on the floor.

Axel remembered the laughter as he walked through the door with a box of bright red hair dye. He remembered the jokes Roxas made as he covered the appearing silver strands with dye, careful to not let it drip on anything. He remembered the spot of strawberry blond that lingered in Roxas’s hair for weeks because he had flicked some of the dye at the laughing blond.

Axel remembered holding a newborn baby for the first time. He remembered looking into the eyes of his grandson and wondering how it was possible to love three people so much and so differently. He remembered how much harder it was to keep up this time when he was tugged along down the beach by tiny hands and pleading blue eyes. He remembered the sound of running feet along his wooden floors and knowing that at the end of the day they would go home and it would be quiet again.

Axel remembered watching Roxas grow old beside him. He remembered counting the silver strands in his hair as they lay together one night. He remembered waking up every single morning to the perfect face and blue eyes and knowing that every time he fell in love all over again.

Axel remembered many things throughout his life, something he was very happy to still be able to do at such an old age. He had let his hair go white long ago, and at some point had agreed that it was time to cut it short. He had traded his heavy boots for supportive shoes, and several inches of height for a cane. He had let the tattoos on his face fade and wrinkles take over.

Axel lay back in his bed, hand in hand with the person he had always loved, day after day, and he wondered how it was possible for one person to bring so much love into his life.

He watched old, tired blue eyes start to drift closed. “I love you, Axel.”

“I’ll always love you, Roxas.”


End file.
